Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Church Bulletin Bloopers

Hey everyone. My uncle just sent me these "Church Bulletin Bloopers" (from the Protestant world - we never make mistakes do we?). Jesse, Graham, and I almost hurt ourselves laughing at some of them, so I thought I'd share the joy (is that alowed during Lent?). I've put them in the comments so they don't take up too much space on the main page. Enjoy!


Dan said...

They're Back! Church Bulletins.

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services.

Ø The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

Ø The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight "Searching for Jesus."

Ø Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

Ø The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

Ø Remember in prayer the many who are sick in our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Ø Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Ø Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Ø For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Ø Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Ø Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

Ø The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."

Ø Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

Ø A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

Ø At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Ø Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Ø Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Ø Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Ø The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Ø Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

Ø The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

Ø This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ø Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

Ø The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Ø Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

Ø The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Ø Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Ø The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

elizabeth said...

thanks... for these... they made me want to laugh lots (and here i was reading them @ work on my 15-min break! :)

Matthew Francis said...

I don't know why, Dan, but Church bulletin bloopers make me laught more than ANYTHING else!

Magdalen said...

You missed the one that said,
"During our Easter service, Mrs Smith will lay an egg on the altar."
"Little Mothers Prayer Group. If you want to be a little mother, please the the pastor in is office after the service."

Still not sure they trump "You were baptised by Jordan in the john", but they're pretty good.

thomasw said...

"so I thought I'd share the joy (is that alowed during Lent?)."

According to St. Paul in Phil. 4:4, joy is always permitted even when you spell 'allow' with only one lonely ell :) hehe.

Dan said...

Apollogies for my bad speling. I'l be more carefull next time.